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I don't mean to cause any drama (or try to get attention) but I have only now realized that I suck at art.

I am frustrated and uptight so I'll probably change my mine about never drawing again business tomorrow.

I've wrote this damn journal five times now and I can't seem to put into words how I feel. Okay, so let me simplify it and dumb it down for myself.

I've always felt limited to what I can draw, I feel limited how I draw. As you know I mostly draw on the computer. I've always tried my best to get out of my comfort zone and try new things, new materials and such. Yesterday I drew a Chinese dragon on paper and thought it was okay for my first attempt (especially as it was on paper). Well, once I had inked it and was happy how the line art looked I went to paint it. I sat there for three hours thinking of ways I could paint it and what material to use. After trying so many techniques and colours on scrap paper it then dawned on me that if I were to colour this dragon it would look terrible!

I kept positive and said, “It looks quite good as it is, best not ruin it.” but I think I was just saying this to help me through the disappointment of not being able to colour it. Occasionally I feel like this and almost always bounce back up and start drawing again.

I am frustrated that I draw so good on the computer (compared to how I draw on paper) and so bad on paper. The most I do on paper is sketches, line arts or scribble pictures (for those who do not know what I mean by scribble picture follow the [link]) When it comes to using paints or coloured pencils I just fail! I don’t know where to start I try, try again but nothing. After a while I feel that I am not learning anything and fall into a negative mind state and stop drawing. I usually keep my depressed state to myself and get over it but I just don’t think I can bounce back anymore. The bounce has gone from my bungee so to speak.

I think I want to cry from failure.

Please don’t think I give up easily! That would just make me feel even worse. I dunno. Maybe I can’t draw on paper because I am not a natural painter maybe I need to be taught how to use paints. I guess Painting is harder than digital painting. Or MAYBE I am just making excuses for myself. I am just going around in circles here. That is why I decided to ask my watchers to help me straighten things out.

As I maty have said before, I might not draw again.

Ps. Again I don’t want people to think I am doing this for attention or cause said “drama”

Journal CSS by =blissart